


Never Like This

by SingingIntheStyx



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 23:16:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7012114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SingingIntheStyx/pseuds/SingingIntheStyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan never wanted this, never in a million years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Like This

Dan adjusted his tie in the mirror, lips pursed. His hands were shaking as he did so, making it difficult to fix the tie. He didn't want to be here. He felt as if he were going to cry any moment. This was the last place he wanted to be, but he had to. He fixed his suit jacket to look slightly more presentable and looked at himself in the mirror. It didn't look like himself anymore. It looked like the empty shell of a person he once knew, someone who was previously filled with life and happiness. Dan can't really remember when it started to fade. Maybe it was when they got the news from the hospital. Maybe it was when they told them that he got 3 months, possibly less. Maybe it was when they had to rush Phil to the hospital a mere month after they received the news, or maybe it was the fact that Dan sat by his bed for weeks, watching as Phil slowly withered away in front of him. He watched as Phil lost the spark of life in his eyes, and how his skin turned to a sickly pale. He watched as Phil began to look more like a bag of sticks and how hard it was for Phil to just reach out and take Dan's hand. He saw how hard it was for Phil just to breathe sometimes, like he was struggling to hold onto whatever thin wisp of life he had left, fingers slipping by the minute. It could be all of that. It was hard to pinpoint exactly when Dan was starting to lose himself along with Phil.

It also could have been on that day, that terrible day, when Phil wasn't really talking. He mostly listened to Dan talk about what had been going on lately and how much everyone missed him and hoped he was well, his once beautiful blue eyes staring at the wall in front of him. Dan remembered how Phil stopped him while he was talking, his thin arm reaching out to take Dan's hand. He remembers the contrast of their skins, such a lively color against the lifeless pale. He remembers how Phil smiled up at him weakly, how happy he looked that Dan was right beside him at that moment. He remembers how Phil took a shuddering breath and looked directly into Dan's eyes. He remembers when Phil said quietly, "This was the most fun I've ever had. Thank you, Dan." and he remembers when Phil closed his eyes and the line on the heart monitor went flat.

Dan remembers the sound of the heart monitor, loud and piercing and earth shattering. Maybe it was at that moment he knew. He remembers as he sat there in shock, pure shock as the nurses rushed in and escorted him from the room. He remembers when the first one placed their hand on his shoulder that he began to scream, scream and cry and yet it wasn't enough. Nothing he could've said or done would've exhibited what he felt at that very moment, the unadulterated pain and distress. Nothing.

Here he was, two weeks later, the pain still fresh in his mind. He was hiding it, shoving it down for the sake of everyone else, even though he knew he wasn't fooling anyone. They all saw the way the emotion gradually left his voice. They saw as Dan also began to wither away, but in a different way. They all saw how it affected Dan. How much Dan missed the person who had once saved him and showed him love and compassion, the person that he fell in love with. Phil was gone now, though, and there wasn't anything anyone could do.

Dan was completely silent on the way there, not saying a single word. He was silent when he arrived, barely acknowledging anyone who greeted him. They all watched as Dan slowly made his way to the casket, walking down to Phil.

He looked into the casket and saw Phil, Phil with his eyes closed and looking peaceful, as if he were just sleeping. Oh, how he wished that were the case. He wished Phil would just wake up and yell about how it was all an elaborate joke and he was still here. Dan bit down on his lip to keep from crying. Sometimes we don't get the things that we wish for.

"Phil," he whispered, like it was a valuable secret that no one could hear. He felt a stab of pain in his chest as he realized more and more how real and final this was. "I-I've always..." he took a shuddering breath, trying to steady himself. "I've always wanted to w-walk down the aisle to you, Phil." Dan smiled cruelly to himself, the first stray tears making their way down his face. Phil was gone, he was really gone. It wasn't a joke, it wasn't some mistake. Phil was really, truly gone and Dan was left behind, his heart in pieces on the floor. Dan let out a sob, his nails digging into the palms of his hands. "But n-never like this. I never w-wanted this."


End file.
